The young and the magical
by Captain Amazing
Summary: Drama galore!
1. Prologue

The loud rapping at the door had awakened everyone, except for Harry, who had been busy examining his wand, (Catch the symbolism?) Uncle Vernon, (who was not exactly favored to loud knocks at any time of the day, especially 3 in the morning), looked rather like a large red beet, furious with the injustice of such early-morning calls. "Who's there?" he bellowed furiously, shuffling towards the door. As soon as he laid his hand on the knob, the door was blast open with a searing hot pain in his hand and Hermione Granger rushed through the door and towards Harry's room, throwing the door open, but closing it again with a shreik at the sight of Harry's naked body.

One minute later, Harry emerged, fully clothed, and in minor shock.

"Don't respect my privacy or anything when you burst into my-" There was a moment of silence. "Why did you blast down the door?"

Hermione, still panting, looked into Harry's eyes and he knew in that instant that something stranger and more frightening than he had ever been in was about to begin.

"Harry...Ron's pregnant."


	2. Chapter 1

"Ron's pregnant." Harry was more than speechless. He was beyond understanding. Something in Hermione's eyes told him she was telling the truth, but how could that be? Ron had never shown any signs of Heraphroditism, not as far as he knew. He had never expressed, nor hinted any want to become the opposite sex, even for a little bit. So how could this be? It seemed an impossibility. "There's more...The father?It's...well, bear with me here, ok?" What father? Ron was straight. "The father is Malfoy."

One hour later, Hermione, Mrs. Weasley, and Harry sat around the table at the burrow, not particularly enjoying their early morning coffee.

" Ron's about 3 months along now. He didn't tel any of us, so we didn't know, until h grew breasts and started having nausea unusually often." Mrs. Weasley said, sighing. " So now he's at St. Mungo's with his father, getting a prenatal checkup...I can just imagine the doctor's faces when thy find that they have to put a boy in stirrups." She gave a weak little laugh that convinced no one.

"So how are you dealing with all of this?" Harry asked, touching her shoulder.

"I don't know...I guess I should be proud to know that my son is the first male in recorded history to become pregnant, and I do love th idea of a grandchild, but..." She sighed again "I never knew he was like this. Me and hs father will of course still love him, but I just wish he had told us sooner." She took a sip of her coffee.

"Well," Hermione said, "at least he hasn't done anything radical with the baby."

Harry looked at her "What do you mean?"

"Well, I mean like forcing labor to get it out" Everyone looked at each other, knowing what was about to happen. Just at that exact moment, Arthur Weasley burst into the house, looking rather frantic and nervous.

"It's happening! Ron had St. Mungo's induce labor on him way before the child was ready! The Malfoys are already there, let's go!"


	3. Chapter 2

The entire hall was filled with such loud screaming that even the long-term residents of the hospital peeked out of their rooms to see what the source of the god-awful noise was. Further investigation would lead them to the maternity ward, where blonde-haired, even-more-pale-skinned-than-usual Draco Malfoy was coaching Ron Weasley through the pain of childbirth.

"C'mon, share the pain with me! We're in this together! What's it feel like?"

"Draco, if you do not shut up right now, I swear to god-AARRGGHHH!" Ron's words were cut of by a scream of agony. "-I will jinx you into eternity." Draco knew it was the pain speaking, but given their past relationship, he loosened his grip just a little.

"I can see the head! Yes, it's- eeeewww" said Minerva McGonagall, a stand-in doctor for St. Mungo's.

Ron froze. "What's wrong? Is it a spider? IT'S A SPIDER!GETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUT!" He screamed, trying to kick his legs unsuccessfully, held tight by stirrups.

"Calm down. It's not a spider. It is, however, completely covered in feces." Said Mrs. McGonagall, carrying a little bundle of blue blankets. After a quick Scourgify, she handed it to Ron and Draco, who looked at it with an expression in their eyes that can't be described except as beyond pure love.

"It's-it's beautiful." Whispered Draco, looking at it, then at Ron, then back at it. "It resembles you." he said with love in his voice.

"Huh. Not bad for something that was just born through my rectum." said Ron "What is it?"

Draco checked under the blanket and his smile was replaced with a look of confusion. "Uh...I'm not sure."

The birth of a hermaphrodite baby was not the thing that was talked about between Ron, Harry, and Hermione at the Burrow later that day.

"MALFOY?" Harry was pacing back and forth in front of the other two, shouting "SO YOU TURN OUT TO BE GAY, YOU COULD'VE HAD ANY GUY IN THE ENTIRE GRYFFINDOR HOUSE, BT YOU CHOOSE A SLYTHERIN?!AND WHAT'S MORE, YOU CHOOSE MY ARCH-ENEMY?!"Harry turned to face Ron, a look of WTF on his face.

"Harry, don't be so hard on him. The man has just given birth through his asshole" Hermione said reproachfully.

"No, let him talk." Ron stood up, wincing slightly. "If that's the way he's gonna be about this, I got some words for him." He waddled over to where Harry was standing, dumbstruck by this. "I love him, Harry. Yes, we have a child. Yes, we had buttsex." Harry's speechlessness was replaced with a look of 'OMFG I could've gone my whole life without hearing that sentence.' But, Ron continued. "For someone that hangs out with Dumbledore so much , I would think that you would know that love is the most powerful magick there is." With that, Ron waddled out of the portrait hole.


End file.
